Mum would have been 80 today

Today would have been my Mum's 80th birthday, but she died just over a year ago aged seventy-eight so no celebrations today. Ten years ago Jennifer and I took her out for dinner for her 70th and she was so happy. I have some lovely photos from that day. Jenn and I clubbed together to buy her a fountain and planter that she had seen in a magazine and cut out the clipping, and she was so surprised and excited. Sadly not all of the following years were very happy for her. She really missed my Dad, and even though she loved her five grandchildren very much, no-one could really fill the gap that he left. I tend to avoid thinking of the most dark and despairing times. Maybe one day I will be able to sort it out in my head, but not yet, it's too sad and makes me very upset. I try to remember that there were lots of good times too, on holidays and with her grandchildren. However when Mum went into her lovely care home just up the road and I knew that she was being well cared for and had company during the day and was even going out on bus trips, I started to dare think that we could have some good times ahead. The staff there were brilliant and even managed to get her walking again using a zimmer. It was great to know that she was safe while I was at work and not lying on the floor after a fall. And when I visited her every day after work, I could chat and socialise with her instead of trying to make her eat some food or washing and dressing her. Not that I minded doing these things, but it was so nice that we could be Mum and daughter again instead of Mum as patient and me as nagging carer! And we did have some lovely chats, including the one where I told her about someone who had been horrible to me and she said "I always thought there was something slimy about her!" A loyal Mum to the end! But unfortunately the good times only lasted a few months before her final bout with pneumonia, the doctors had warned us that it would probably be pneumonia that got her in the end, however she was ill so many times that I thought she would pull through again. At least the end was very peaceful for her and Jennifer and I were there holding her hands. But I wish I could have made her life happier and I miss her every day.