Gut ache

I have just had the most dreadful evening. I had one of my occasional terrible gut aches, probably brought on by eating six satsumas while making the dinner. I love the tasty, sharp satsumas that you get at this time of year, but six turned out to be too many especially since I then wolfed down a hearty dinner of home made beef stew. It didn’t take long for the consequences to arrive. After dinner Ally had started showing us his photos of his holiday in Jordan, and they were really good, but I started getting excruciating stomach pains that radiated right through to my back. I had to excuse myself and paced the house like a wounded lion, as the pain got worse and worse. I couldn’t sit down because that seemed to make it even sorer, although walking about didn’t do much good either. From time to time my stomach rumbled promisingly but nothing transpired.
No enquiries as to my well being were made by either James or Ally. To be fair, this has happened before and they both had work in the morning, but a solicitous word of comfort might have helped a bit. Instead they took themselves off to bed in due course, and at one point when I was asking my Mum for help aloud (why do I still do that?) I’m sure that I heard a voice saying “Shut up.” Not my Mum sending me a message from the afterworld, but the harsh, unsympathetic tones of an Anderson male.
Eventually I vomited copiously which brought almost complete relief, and I decided that since the satsumas were probably acidic I should drink a glass of (alkaline?) milk to neutralise the effects.*
Despite my almost complete lack of scientific knowledge this seems to have the desired result and I’m now tucked up in bed, pain free. What a relief.

* I have just done a google search to find out which foods are acidic / alkaline and it looks like I have got it completely the wrong way round, but it seems to have balanced out anyway!