A strange month

Not much to report on this last day of January. What a strange month it has been for me. It has been a change of pace akin to running into a wall at full tilt! I still feel a bit faint sometimes but I'm beginning to see a little bit with my left eye which is good. I have also been very touched by the many messages of goodwill and even visits that I have received from friends and colleagues.

Today Jamie came for lunch to meet Tom and Ruby. He thought that they are very sweet. They did not live down to their recent nicknames (coined by James of course!) of Poopy and Pisswizard. Poopy because of Ruby's occasional careless habit of stepping in her own poop and Pisswizard after a shameful incident in the downstairs shower tray by Tom! For which he showed no remorse! 

Jamie is full of the joys because he has just bought his first new car - the now deceased Nissan Micra aka "Mario" was of course his first car, inherited from Gran, and will always have a place in his heart. The new one is a bright blue Volvo and after long and agonising (for all of us) negotiations and soul-searching he has finally signed for it and will collect it on Wednesday.

After Jamie went home James made a lovely steak dinner and we watched the first (double) episode of a new drama called "Fortitude", which seems a bit like Wallander crossed with Fargo. It has a distinguished cast and beautiful snowy scenery (filmed in Iceland but supposed to be set in the north of Norway I think). We will see how it shapes up.

Being positive

So here I am at home, still no sight in my left eye, feeling tired and a bit weak after my enforced bed rest. Since I was allowed to sit up on Sunday (after a whole week of lying down) I have been practically chewing the furniture in my frustration at not being able to go to work. Yes, it would take a team of psychologists years to work that one out! So instead I phoned my always patient little sister today to ask for some guidance. 

Jennifer knows me only too well and as a result of her understanding and advice I have managed to calm down and relax a bit. There is absolutely nothing that I can do about this situation so I will just have to man up and occupy myself at home for now.

The first thing I did was to order a Luganda phrase book so that I can teach myself a bit of the language before going to Uganda on a school trip in October. I has volunteered to go on this ages ago and had almost forgotten about it just before Christmas when George (the head teacher) came to ask me if I was still up for it. Uganda's first language is English but the pupils at the school we are going to also speak Luganda so it would be nice to be able to speak a few words in their local language too. As it happened George phoned me in the afternoon (he is leading the trip) and he thought it was a great idea and that the pupils could learn a bit too. 

I then decided that I should get some exercise; Davie came with me for a walk to the doctors to pick up a prescription and by the time we came back home I felt quite dizzy. It's really disconcerting not to be able to see out of one eye, and I was quite nervous crossing the road in case I didn't see a car coming. But it was good to get outside for some fresh air.

And I have finished my audio book of The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Hmmm. It is certainly beautifully written and I loved the descriptions of New York and the art and antique furniture but the "thriller" parts didn't sit well for me with the rest of the book. And the way the author tried to draw everything together at the end seemed a little strained to me. Although I'm being critical I actually really enjoyed the book!

Tomorrow I'm going to keep up the positive attitude!

Floating Redundant

This has been the strangest of weeks, lying on my right hand side, of no use to man nor beast. Well that's not quite true, I have been a welcome source of heat for my furry beasts Tom and Ruby, and they have spent lots of time curled up beside me. Their favourite spots are either the angle formed by the crook of my knees, or under the blankets at my tummy. Perhaps not the most hygienic arrangement for someone who has recently had eye surgery, but it's very companionable! 

I have been listening to my audio book, watching some truly time-wasting daytime television (although it is strangely compelling and I never get tired of Come Dine With Me!) and dozing. Davie has been great at keeping me company too. I have (mostly) resisted the lure of finding out what's happening at work - I have phoned my lovely stand-in only a couple of times with things that have occurred to me, and she was very patient with me and clearly managing very well. I will be vertical again on Sunday but, with no sight in one eye, I'm not sure when I will be able to go back to work.

Meanwhile James' birthday yesterday went almost unnoticed while he ran the household; cooking, shopping and taking the kittens for their second sets of jags. We will celebrate it when I am up and about again. We have had to cancel our hill-walking weekend to Kinlochleven so a quiet weekend awaits, but that is fine with me.

I'm not complaining by the way, I'm very relieved and grateful that my surgery seems to have gone well! 

Posturing

I am lying on my right hand side with my face against the pillow, angled slightly downwards. This is the best position for my retina to heal properly and it is called "posturing" by the hospital staff. During the operation the eye surgeon drained out the fluid from my eye and replaced it with a bubble of gas which is supposed to press against the tear (which I think the surgeon also "spot-welded") and help it to heal.

I am allowed to get up to eat / go to the bathroom for a maximum of 10 minutes of every hour. I am behaving and obeying this rule because I want my eye to get better properly and quickly. 

But it's annoying. For example I am tapping out this post slowly using my left hand because my right shoulder is pressed into the pillow, restricting movement of my right arm. And I feel so useless.

However to look on the bright side James has been really great and has reconfigured the bedroom for my current situation. He and Alasdair turned the bed right round so that I face the window rather than the wall. And he has set up a television at eye level and downloaded an audio book onto my iPad (The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt which Heather lent me recently and I have been looking forward to reading). And so I am well taken care of, but this whole thing is so weird. I have gone from being (too) busy to being almost completely incapacitated. I know that my job is in very good hands so I'm trying my best not to worry about work (something that has become rather a habit I'm afraid - this experience will be a good lesson for me that nobody is indispensable.) I'm going to listen to my audio book now. 

A visit to the (operating) theatre

Going for an operation is a strange experience. At the back of my mind (well actually at the front of my mind!) was the thought that I might not wake up again. So I wrote letters to Jamie, Ally and Davie just in case. I actually started these a couple of years ago and saved them in my phone so all I needed to do was update them. I also wrote an email to James, and then I felt ready to face the operation. 

The morning of the operation (Friday) wasn't fun. I had all my check ups on Thursday and was then sent home for the night. It was nice to be home but the next morning we had to go in to Gartnavel very early - for 7.30 a.m. and by this time I was very nervous. Everyone is very pleasant at the eye infirmary but there always seems to be a wee bit of confusion about what happens when! So first I was sent downstairs then back up to the ward and then back downstairs to the pre op area. Although I didn't have to wait there long, it was a scary time of anticipation for me, and I was almost relieved when I was wheeled through to get on with it. The anaesthetist was great; kind and reassuring - and efficient. She said that the first injection was a really strong painkiller, and the second was like a big glass of wine - and that's all I remember until I woke up in the recovery area with a huge patch over my eye! Back in the ward I then had to lie on my front for four hours. 

Meanwhile in the outside world there was heavy snowfall in the afternoon so it took James, Ally, Davie and Cat more than an hour to drive over to visit me, and the same to drive back. The highlight of visiting time was Davie fainting when we talked about what happened during the operation! He slumped sideways onto Ally's lap, who at first thought he was joking but then realised he had really fainted! 

It was lovely to see them and Jamie texted from his holiday. I felt lucky.

Snowy at Kirk O'Shotts

I have settled down a bit about my forthcoming surgery and have a list of questions to ask at my next appointment on Tuesday. I realise that the operation is vital or I will lose the sight in my eye, but I do want to know exactly what is going to happen before I get it done. And I have some arrangements to make and letters to write to my boys just in case things go wrong. 

So today has been a good day. It was rather wintry on our trip to Edinburgh to see Jamie; sleety on the way there and downright snowy on the way back. We went for lunch to Rollo - Stockbridge has so many nice restaurants, it's great. The three of us had such a pleasant time, chatting away. James promised to behave in Waitrose which we visited just before heading home. He managed not to rant about the price of the fruit but was unimpressed with the tasty and exotic dips that I bought for Heather and Ewan's visit tomorrow; we made a swift exit before his patience ran out!

A party in my eye

Just before Christmas I thought I was getting a migraine because I had visual disturbance in my left eye. My colleagues helpfully gave me various pills and potions and no headache developed. However to my puzzlement the visual disturbance continued over the next few days. It's like a kaleidoscope of floaters and tiny confetti-like colours around the edges of my vision, with an occasional bright light drifting upwards across the middle. My eye also feels kind of heavy.  A few days later it was Christmas so I decided to wait until after the holidays, and anyway I thought it might go away. But it has persisted so yesterday I phoned Carol and she told me I must come to see her and Craig straight away. I made an appointment for after school time today. 

Craig examined my eye, and then put drops in it and examined it again. It turns out that I have a detached retina. This is not a good thing. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning which is very inconvenient because of work but Carol and Craig said I must go and that I will need an operation. I really appreciate their skills and professionalism, they were really good to me and I was there for an hour and a half! I am feeling worried and not a happy girl this evening.